My Love Letter To The Single Christian Woman Who Feels Left Behind!
Last Updated on 02/05/2026 by Nicky
My Love Letter To Single Christian Women
(This will not be my typical post but more of a stream-of-consciousness type post. If we were talking face to face and you were upset about being a single woman this is what I would say to you).
Dear Single Christian Woman,
Let me ask you a question that you may not have considered before…
Is it possible that Jesus wanted to be married? Yes and some people erroneously believe he was married.
However, Jesus did not marry.
Why?
Because that wasn’t a part of God’s plan for Him. Does this mean that Jesus’ life didn’t have worth or value? Well, of course, this is truly a silly question to ask, and clearly the answer is a resounding no!
But if the answer to this question is no for Jesus, shouldn’t the answer also be a resounding no for us as well?
And yet, many women feel like they have little to no purpose or value if they aren’t someone’s wife or mother.
I totally understand this and have felt this way many times. It can be a hard pill to swallow to see your friends married with children.
You can think that maybe you aren’t as valuable to God, the church, or society because you haven’t fulfilled these roles. I strongly believe that this is just another way for the devil to implant seeds of doubt, insecurity, and anxiety in our hearts and minds.
Both women and men whose mouths don’t have filters can make comments implying (or explicitly saying) that single and childless women are lesser than women who are wives and mothers.
I’m in no way discounting the enormous contribution of wives and mothers to society. I admire them greatly and wonder how some of them do what they do.
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But I don’t want you to believe for one second that you can not also contribute greatly to God’s kingdom and to society as a single or childless woman.
No woman’s (or man’s) worth comes from whether they say “I do” or birth children but it comes from being an image bearer of God.
I want you to cement that in your heart. Let it soak deep down into your soul.
Yes, people may ask you why you aren’t married or make unkind comments about your relationship status. And yes, I know that the things that people say to you can wound you deeply. However, do not forget that you have value.
God calls some people, both men and women to singleness. No scratch that…
I have no idea if this is true or not, honestly. This is something that I’ve heard Christians say for years but is it true? I have no clue (scriptures, anyone?).
But what I do know for sure, is everyone is not going to get married. You might be one of those people. I might be one of those people. None of us know what God has in store but as of right now, we are single women. So now what?
Do we cry and get depressed because we don’t have husbands? Hmmm, maybe. If this is how you feel, then grieve this feeling of loss. I encourage you to do that and not hold those emotions inside. It’s a big deal to feel like you will never have a family of your own or that you won’t have someone to grow old with.
The worst “words of comfort” you could give to a single person who is hurting or lonely is some variation of “get over it because Jesus is coming back one day and we will be in heaven and there’s no marriage there” (I just read an article like that by the way).
Gee, thanks…truly helpful.
Now, of course, all of that is true but as much as we want to say that we are only focused on Jesus and the kingdom of heaven, there are earthly wants and desires that we long to have filled and when they aren’t, it pains us.
So if you are crying out to the Lord nightly wondering why you can’t have what it seems like everyone else around you has, don’t worry…you’re just human.
I wish having the Holy Spirit made us impervious to pain like some sort of Christian superhero but alas, it does not.
But it does mean that we can be comforted by the Holy Spirit which is, of course, an amazing gift of being a follower of Christ.
However, as much as I am team #expressyouremotions, I don’t want you to stay in a state of grief and loss. The truth is, you should never let anyone or anything but Christ define you. Not your husband and not your kids.
Also not your job or your degrees. Our identity and worth ultimately needs to be found in Christ. If our foundation is built on anything else, then it is on shaky ground.
It’s like the VBS song says, the foolish man built his house upon the sand.
When the rains came pouring down the foolish man’s house went splat. Why? Because the foolish man (or woman) built their house (or identity) on something that was easily destroyed.
If you happen to get married and you base your worth and value on being a wife, what will you do if your husband dies or abandons you?
Will you feel worthless again? Or will you understand that even though my husband is gone, God is not and I will lean on Him during this time because He is the one constant in my life? I pray that you choose the latter and not the former.
You’re a daughter of the King whether you’re single or married.
Don’t forget that!
The best advice I can give you, single woman to single woman is this: find your purpose in life. Ask God what He wants you to do with your life.
Ask Him how you can use your talents to serve Him. Ask Him to give you direction.
Ask Him how to create a life of intention. And then do it and don’t procrastinate (yes I’m a hypocrite). Live that purpose while you are single.
Live that purpose if you get married. Adapt your purpose if your life circumstances change but don’t give it up. Live for Christ and not anyone else.
The deeper down the Jesus rabbit hole you go, the more joyful and content you will be with your life whether you’re married or not (plus, marriage doesn’t make you happy but shhhh…keep it on the down low. It’s supposed to be a secret).
I asked God what He wanted me to do and I believe He wanted me to write and so here I am.
And I truly believe this is one of the reasons why I don’t feel a huge gaping hole of loneliness in my heart. Yes, I desire to be married and I would love to have children.
But if that doesn’t happen, I know I can continue to impact the kingdom in other ways like through writing and blogging. And I won’t feel like my life didn’t have meaning because I don’t have a ring.
Dear friend, I hope reading this has given you a bit of clarity and hope about your situation. I pray that you will really believe that your self-worth comes from God and God alone. Now go find His purpose for your life and live it no matter what!
God Bless,
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