5 Secret Struggles Single Christian Woman Don’t Want You To Know They Have!
Last Updated on 01/01/2024 by Nicky
5 Secret Struggles Of Being A Single Christian Woman
Dear Single Christian Woman…Sometimes I hate it when people speak for me. If you hate this too, I ask your forgiveness in advance because I am going to attempt to be a voice for us.
Being a single Christian woman myself, it seems like there are a lot of misconceptions about us, especially our struggles. I could address a laundry list of ideas that get attached.
Oh yeah, and this post contains affiliate links to great products that will help you in your health journey. I will get a commission if you decide to buy from these links. Please let me know if you have any questions.
5 Secret Struggles Of Being A Single Christian Woman
1) Sexual Struggles
Yes, I know…only men deal with sexual struggles, right? Sex is for men and only they struggle with the idea that they aren’t being fulfilled in that area. I’d insert a picture of myself rolling my eyes but I’m sure you can use your imagination.
How many times have I read articles about men struggling with purity (whether married or unmarried)?
More than I can count. And women are supposed to be modest so that they don’t tempt men because of course only men are tempted by sexual sin. I bet you didn’t know that sin was gender specific, did you?
That’s totally untrue, of course.
But if you listened to many Christian ministries, blogs, and churches you’d swear that it was. The truth is many Christian women, single and married, struggle with sexual sin. Or even just sexual desires. Yes, it’s true.
Women have sexual desires!
Sorry to be so scandalous! And they struggle with the idea that they have these desires because we both implicitly and explicitly say that women don’t really have them…at least not like men do.
When we categorize sins, struggles, or even feelings as being for men but not for women (and vice versa), it only serves to isolate and ostracize that group even more.
Furthermore, it’s just silly. Do we really think that the devil is saving certain temptations for one type of people and not the other? It seems to me that he is an equal opportunity tempter.
He doesn’t care what your vice of choice is, as long as you have one and as long as it keeps you from knowing Jesus. Can we please let the myth of sexual struggles being a man thing go…pretty please?
2) Comparison Struggles
Perhaps this struggle isn’t quite so secret. It’s probably well-known that single women will compare their lives to the lives of married women. This comparison is quickly followed by feelings of undesirability, unworthiness (more on that later), and heartache.
The truth is, we should never, and I do mean NEVER look at the life of another woman and say “I wish I had her life”. Why? Because we don’t have a clue what their life is like (can we also please let the #relationshipgoals die? People on social media be lying about how happy they are…trust me. I got receipts!).
I learned long ago, probably as a teenager, to never covet the life of another woman. I’ve seen too many times when a woman’s life looked wonderful from the outside and it turned out to be the complete opposite.
We truly never know what is happening behind closed doors. Besides that, you and that woman who you are wishing you could be are two totally different people. It could very well be true that she’s truly happy with the life she has.
But if someone could wave a magic wand and have you switch places with her, you might find that you don’t enjoy her life as much as you thought you would.
Why?
Because ya’ll aren’t the same person. Your version of happiness and joy is not going to look exactly like someone else’s version. So don’t wish for another woman’s life.
Thank God for the current blessings you do enjoy. And ask Him how you can find contentment and joy in your own life. And speaking of contentment…
3) Contentment Struggles (but not how you think…)
Some women struggle with being content as single women. I don’t mean this the way you think it means. I mean some women are content with being single but because society and the church puts a lot of pressure on women to be married and to be mothers, they feel uncomfortable with the idea that they don’t necessarily want that life.
Now, keep in mind that I believe the majority of women want to be wives and mothers. I don’t have any data to back that up…it’s just something that I’ve heard so often that I’m assuming that it’s true.
However, contrary to popular belief, there truly are women who don’t want either. And no it’s not because they’ve been hurt so badly that they just don’t want to deal with men. Or they are feminists (more on that later) or whatever other reasons people might want to believe.
They just don’t have that desire in their hearts. But they struggle with this idea because it’s so contrary to what they have been told, especially if they have grown up in church and Christian environments.
The idea is uncomfortable to them and they may try and force themselves into that marriage/motherhood box and they can’t quite fit inside it. If you’re that kind of woman, I want you to know that I see you and don’t judge you.
You are not less of a woman or less of a Christian if you feel this way. God loves you just the same and your value as a woman has not diminished because of it!
4) Unworthiness Struggles
It’s possible too that you might feel unworthy and undesirable as a single Christian woman. Unworthy of what, though? Unworthy of love? Unworthy of serving God and His kingdom? Unworthy of a man liking, loving, and committing to you?
Unworthy of being pursued, dating, or being in a relationship? I’m never quite sure if it helps to know that you aren’t alone in that feeling but in case it does…you’re not alone. I don’t have anything deep or profound to say about this really.
I do believe these are lies from the enemy to make us isolate ourselves and keep us in a state of depression… and guess what? They work amazingly well. There are some things that we are unworthy of like Jesus dying for us, God’s forgiveness, and the gift of the Holy Spirit.
If we insist on feeling unworthy of something then let it be these things. And then let that unworthiness morphe into gratitude that despite our unworthiness God has blessed us with these gifts anyway!
And if God finds it in His heart to love and pursue us, it shouldn’t be a surprise to us if a mere mortal agrees. And if you do find a good Christian man who wants to pursue and love you, be grateful for that as well!
You might also like:My Advice To Single Christian Women
5) Feminity Struggles
There’s a catch-22 that single women seem to be in. I’ve heard for years and years that women (also known as modern women or feminists) are choosing education and career over marriage and motherhood (whether or not this is true is debatable).
And because of this, they give off a “masculine” aura which in turn makes men not approach them (at least I think that’s the argument…the details are, how do you say, murky). The longer they have been single, the more this masculine glow emanates from them.
But if a woman doesn’t have a husband and they don’t want to live with their parents, then, of course, she has to get a job (or start a business) and eventually buy her own place. And if she’s really good at what she does, she might indeed move up the corporate ladder.
Short of living on the streets, hoping that a knight in shining armor will come and rescue her, I’m not quite sure what single women are supposed to do in order to shed this manly sheen that radiates from us (yes, I’m laying it on really thick :)).
And lest you think that I’m making up this struggle, I know for sure that there are single Christian women who are feeling frustrated by this “conundrum”. Hey, Facebook groups are a valid source in my book :).
So what is the solution?
How can single Christian women support themselves, and excel in their careers or businesses, while still remaining “feminine”? By continuing to be women! I know it’s groundbreaking! Women are inherently feminine and we don’t really have to do much to remain that way because um, we already are.
Is it possible that a woman could venture too far into a sort of masculine energy (ugh, I sound so new-agey but I lack a better word)? Sure, it’s totally possible.
It’s easy to get absorbed into the boss babe, hustle-bustle culture, and perhaps this is one aspect of what Christians or conservatives are referring to when they talk about feminism and how it’s destroying the nation (I’m being hyperbolic on purpose…or am I??).
That we single women are so far into this girl-boss ideal that we forget to be soft or girly. If being soft and girly is truly your thing and you’ve lost sight of that because you have been so focused on your career, then don’t forget to laugh, paint your nails, and buy a new dress (all gross exaggs of what it means to be a woman).
While I do believe talk of women being consumed by feminism is quite a bit exaggerated, it is important to remember the softer sides of ourselves and explore that.
In other words, there’s nothing wrong with balance! And I know some women are not into super girly things…I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that either.
All women are not the same but if we have accepted Jesus as our Lord, then we are all His daughters and that’s what really matters! (And as an aside, please don’t stop pursuing your dreams just because they might come off as masculine.
This time in history is one where many women are afforded opportunities that women in a different time couldn’t even have dreamt of…what a blessing from God this is! I believe a man who loves you will support you in your dreams just as you should support him in following his!)
– Do You Agree With These Struggles Of Being A Christian Single Woman?
Okay, ladies so how did I do? Are you mad that I spoke for you or are you secretly cheering because someone finally said what you were thinking?
Either way, I’d love to hear your comments below. Perhaps you can share some struggles of being a single Christian woman that I missed?
And if you want to vent your frustrations out on paper (or digitally), I have a prayer journal that you can use for free.
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